The Loneliness Within
The days are so hectic – being a mental health patient, a caregiver, and a working mom with 3 young children to care for – it’s a daily hustle every second and minute of the day.
Your thoughts race immediately once you wake up:
“What’s for breakfast?”
“What time is the first meeting?”
“What is going to be for dinner?”
“Which bills are still unpaid?”
“Have the cats eaten yet?”
“Oops Baby 1 did a poop. Geez, Baby 2 please stop running around the house!”
“Oh, now my phone is ringing too?”
And the list goes on...
and on and on until the kids go to school. Finally, you take a breather and bam! It’s time to shower, change, and appear for your back-to-back meetings, work while juggling the housework, and prepare for dinner. Then, the kids come back and you get into the parenting frenzy once more.
Finally, everyone is asleep, and you are so tired, mentally and physically. You look forward to spending some quiet time alone before bed.
THAT is when it hits – your mind starts wandering, your tummy starts feeling queasy and the unseeable mental load takes over, constantly fighting the anxiety with breathing exercises, hoping for some mental peace.
It's too quiet.
The kids are asleep, the world is asleep, and all you see are the stars and moon shining in the dark sky above. Yet, intruding thoughts creep in. Why is there a sense of loneliness? A dull ache and a heavy heart in your chest. Scrolling through social media only makes it worse, because it makes you feel even lonelier in the busy, crazy, and hectic world.
Sometimes, I wonder
if I’m the only one who feels this way. Where does the feeling of loneliness come from?
It’s so easy for us to forget what we are truly experiencing because most of us run on autopilot in the daytime – from the way we think to the way we feel. When everything is removed is when we start questioning ourselves and our worth.
This made me realise that nothing is permanent.
No one can replace the emptiness within us, and no amount of money can feel the void. At the end of the day, we are the captains of our own ship. We decide on and stick to the choices we make. Because the same way we come is the same way we will leave this world. Learning how to self-generate our own emotional and mental well-being is indeed the most priceless thing we can do for ourselves.